The Problem with Polyamory in Romance

I am sick and tired of people giving suggestions for poly stories that are either all erotica, why choose, harem, or unicorns. Is it so much to ask for that a poly relationship be given the same effort as monogamous relationships?

Monogamous relationships deal with "we can't do this", and jealousy and misunderstandings and straight up arguments that lead to breakups and people afraid of being hurt and lying and trying to manage time between work/social/relationships.

But poly? It's all "he's smoking hot and we're in an open relationship and we both want him for the weekend", or "I don't know if I can do this, but you said 'give it a try' and now I totally want his dick in me," or "this person is the bestest best most hottest hot person ever and everyone they talk to NEEDS to get in bed with them."

Where's the misunderstandings? Where's the people who aren't bisexual out the gate and need time to figure out if they can be in a triad or quad? Where's the parallel poly structures where people have unique, individual relationships? Where's the KTP where everyone gets along but aren't necessarily romantically or sexually involved with each other?

Those last two? People say they don't like those stories? They say they want everyone to be involved with everyone else? THAT'S THE FANTASY. That's what monogamous people think polyamory is. That's what they want to see. Group sex. Erotica with multiple people. They call it a "throuple" because they're threatened by the idea that people can have actual real relationships with multiple people, and "throuple" sounds less intimidating than "triad".

That's why I'm writing what I want to see. Nate, Ryan, Andrew, and Ben. Four people who need time to figure out who they are to Nate, and who they are to each other. Unfaking it, where each corner of the triad has a different relationship to each other. Chaos Covenant, where there are multiple times where misunderstandings and miscommunication happen, where there are multiple times where the polycule almost breaks up, where people realize that there are primary and secondary relationships among each other. They're not fantasy. They're realistic. They deal with the same things monogamous relationships deal with, but with three or four people.

I just want my polyamory to be treated with the same respect monogamous relationships are. Why is that so much to ask?